Happy Valentine's Day my sweet girl!!!! I love you and miss you with everything I am.....not a single day goes by I dont wish you were here with us and your sweet brothers and Callie Grace. I tend to push away the thoughts pretty often because the pain is just too hard to go there...I feel you around us all the time and am so thankful that God chose us to share you with as well as your brothers and baby sister. On special days like today...WE MISS YOU SOOOOO BAD and just know that I WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU BEYOND MEASURE AND YOU WILL ALWAYS BE "The prettiest girl in the whole wide world!" I LOVE YOU- Mommy ( I hold Callie and her hands and arms and legs are just as soft as yours were...and her teeth coming in remind me so much of yours...and she is almost walking and I remember when you were crusin up and down the couch at the beach house we lived in..and she has your smile which lights up a room....I LOVE YOU CHANDLER RAE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am so thankful for the memories!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I haven't written to you in a while but i talk to you everyday. Your presence has been so strong around all of us this past week with all of the dragonflies that have been seen and landing on people's hands. I miss you more and more everyday knowing the pain in my heart will not go away until i see you again in heaven. Life has been so hard without you even though your mom and i have been blessed with three other beautiful children! They all favor you so much in looks and personality but of course you know this! We thank God everyday for letting us see you in all of them! Please continue to show yourself off in them and be a constant daily reminder for your mom and me to see. I will never ever forget you and can say that each day i live i am one day closer to seeing you. Without a doubt you are the most beautiful girl in the world! Thank you for watching over the whole family each day and please look out for the newest arrival our niece Lakelyn Nicole Panos as she prepares to come into this world! I love you forever squirt!!!!!! Until i see you again daddy!!!!!
Hey Chan! I was never blessed to have met you but I feel as if I do. You are soo beautiful and I think about you and your mommy daily. Because of you her and your daddy I enjoy every second of every day with my baby Bailey I love her with every ounce of me and never take a second for granted. Your mommy is such a strong woman I know you have to be so proud of her!! Until we meet... xoxoxo
chandler its been awhile since i have talked to....but that doesnt been i havent thought about you!!!!We still have your picture on our fridge i miss you baby girl!!!I hope your brothers and your sissy in your mommmys stomach are doing ok! I love you honey and someday we will be together up there! Little Olivia my sissy is 4 years old now she is sooo BIG and man she has attitude sometime!!!!My brother and mom are doing really well my little cousin Zoey had a liver transplant they thought she wasnt going to make it but she did! She told me that all of the angels in heaven were praying for her which made my heart sparkle i knew that one of them were you!!!! I LOVE YOU HONEY!!!!!!!:) Tell your mommy i love her and hope everyone and thing is ok!
Hi haven't written in I don't even know how long but believe me you have ALWAYS been in my heart and prayers. I am so happy for you and your husband on your new precious angels...I am a little older than you my precious Elizabeth was 20 when she was killed so my hopes (and believe me I have thought of it) of having another angel are pretty much out of the question. Of course I don't know about you but I still pretty much stay in bed or on the couch.
We just celebrated her 8th anniversary to Heaven on Juni 1...it's a celebration on her part definetely NOT on ours nothing but pain. NO it does not get better go away or does the pain lessen and I am SO SICK of people telling me I should be able to be getting "on" with my life now. I feel like STRANGLING them sometimes!
I will never understand Jesus' decision to take my Angel back to Heaven to be with Him not that she doesn't deserve to be there THAT she does but as a song I play often says...so play it sweet in Heaven cause your right where you belong I'm not crying for you baby......I'm crying for me!
I heard one theother day that also hit home (although I don't drink_maybe I should try it) It says
I've tried sober I've tried drinking...I've been strong and I've been weak I've done everything to move on like I'm supposed to... BUT I STILL MISS YOU!
I get so many messages through the songs in church or on the gospel stations some even through the regular radio channels. Some I have no doubt come from her.
She had her very first niece born last may she just turned 1 in Mei...that was SO HARD FOR ME!I know it was a happy time...and I tried to hide my pain for my son's sake but Elizabeth should have been right in that delivery room to see that angel brought into this world.
My health has done nothing but decline according to all the doctors it is from basic grief stress anxiety...my diagnosis (and I DO BELIEVE IN THEM)A broken heart!
Well I'll let you go please know you have been and always will be in my prayers
May God bless you and your family / Kathleen Seelmann (healthcare provider )Read >>
May God bless you and your family / Kathleen Seelmann (healthcare provider )
Hi Candida you don't know me but I want to know that I have nover forgotten the loss of your little angel. I remember sitting outside of OMH that day crying my eyes out and saying a prayer for you and your family. I was the lead paramedic that took of her. I want you to know that I went above and beyond to utilize every life advanced life support effort to try and make a difference. I hope that life for you has many happy and blessed days. I cannot only empathize but sympathize the loss you had. There's not a doubt in my mind that Chandler and my baby Mikayla are being well taken care of by the Lord Jesus Christ. I by all means have always just wanted to jay something to you. It is not my intent to upset you or cross any boundaries. It's just something that will be in my memory for the rest of my life. You have a beautiful family....
As I rocked your baby brother Canaan to sleep on the balcony of our hotel....we are 9 stories high and we listen to the sound of soft ocean waves...so soothing and peaceful...we connect with you! Missing you soooo badly!
It is ironic..the one thing that took you from me...water...is the one thing that also gives life and is so healing and therapeutic. As I watch as the waves come in and as the the waves go out....God shows me once again that everything comes and everything goes...The way the waves BREAK as they come in also reminds me of our BREAKING POINTS...Sometimes God breaks us to bring us closer to him,to rely on him and put him first, and to make us and mold us into a BETTER WITNESS and to have a CLOSER WALK with HIM! My pastor once shared a message so powerful...saying God took the bread,he blessed the bread, he broke the bread, and he gave the bread....THIS IS ALSO WHAT GOD DOES WITH US AS HIS CHILDREN!
seasons come and seasons go...friendships come and friendships go...morning comes and morning goes...evening comes and evening goes...life comes and life goes...
and God reminds me of the scripture I stated when I was in shock when it all first happened. "The Lord gives and the Lord takes away. Blessed be the name of the Lord."
The one prayer that I prayed when we got pregnant after losing Chan was.. "God you are a BIG GOD and you are able to do exceddding abundantly in my life...so Please give my baby very similar physical attributes of Chan. I knew I couldn't get her back, but wanted my baby to remind me of her and have her in them. God is so good...he gave me this 2 times over! Chase is now 2 1/2 years old...looks just like her except with dark hair and she had blonde. When he is sleeping, he especially looks like her when she was resting. Canaan is her 10 1/2 mos. old brother and he is a red-head. He had her lighter complexion,big blue eyes, and long eyelashes...most of all..he has her TEMPER! HAHA! They are both Leos and are very headstrong! WE ARE SOOOO BLESSED! We will not be complete until we are with you again,my sweet babygirl! Every picture and every thing we do...you are missing! But..I am cherishing the day we are together again! ALL MY LOVE- Mommy
Chandler/ Mandy (friends of your wonderful family )Read >>
Chandler/ Mandy (friends of your wonderful family )
I know we never formly met, but I have found myself for the last 3 nights exploring this website that your Mommy and Daddy set up for you. First i guess I should say I know your Mommy and Daddy and brothers. What wonderful people they are. Your brother Chase, what a smile, he is so funny i always enjoy seeing him and spending time and playing with him. I have only met your new brother Cannan once, but he is such a love. Anyway, i found myself here for the last three nights, (i am kind of a night owl) just reading about you, and how much everyone loved you. By nature I am a women of science, and I like to know why everything happens. So i have been troubleing myself each night for a reason as to why God needed you so soon, and tonight I came to a really, strong conclusion, God has a reason for everything, and I should not question it. So I just wanted to say how beautiful i think you are, and how much I have enjoyed reading and learning about you the last few nights. Continue to be a part of your family, because its so clear they love you so much and miss you. I know you have to be a busy little girl up there in heaven, but every chance you get send a blessing my way. : ) Good night pretty girl!!
I miss you sooooooo badly! Canaan is laying in my arms after a 3:00feeding and as I hold him I wanted to let you know how much Mommy misses you and it hurts so bad that you can't be here with your brothers! This life is rough to not have you with us...we are not complete and won't be until we join you. Momy loves you and misses you so much babydoll! Marlee's party was fun today but we all feel an emptiness without you there and at all the birthdays...it is hard!!! I really wish you could be here for Chase & Canaan...they need their big sis and we all need you!! Satan is attacking on friends and family...please help us to pray him down and keep a protective hedge all around us!! I miss you and want to kiss you and hug you giidnite and can't so feel my heart tonite as always....TOUCH US!!!!!!!!!! I LOVE YOU CHAN-mommy xoxoxo
I think of you in the morning and I think of you at night I think of you when I'm happy and I think of you when I'm sad I think of you when things are wonderful and when they're going bad I think of you when I'm busy and I think of you when I'm bored I think of you when everyone seems to love me and when I'm being ignored I think of you when it's cold and I think of you when it's hot I think of when I'm alone and even when I'm not I think of you when I'm at home and I think of you when I'm out I think of you when I'm thinking ........because you're alway in my HEART
Wednesday morning, June 18th Garrett, Fletcher and I were driving to Jacksonville. While on the cell phone, Garrett kept trying to interupt me to tell me something. Trying to finish my conversation and talking over him as we parents do realized he wasn't backing down. So after ending my conversation I asked him, "yes sir?" He said, "I was telling you I just saw an angel." I didn't know if I heard him correctly. I asked, "you saw what?" He said, "angel!" I asked him again, "an angel?" He said, "angel!" I asked him where and he said "back there" and pointed to the back of the car. I asked him what the angel was doing and he said "nothing." I wanted to get as much information out of him as possible. I said what did the angel look like. He said, "an angel." He was looking at me like "duh?" as a newly 3 year old would...like what's the deal mom. Then I asked what else did the angel look like. Plain as day he said "a butterfly!" I was amazed at his comment. Ever since my niece passed my middle sister, Tiffany and I have associated butterflies as Chandler being around us. When we lost her we seem to constantly notice butterflies all around us. So that was always comforting to us. However, my son was only 10 days old at the time and would've never known the connection with butterflies, angels or Chandler. So I say to him in amazement, "a butterfly garrett?" He shakes his head yes. So of course I wanted to hear more. I said what else did the angel look like. He said, "a dragonfly." I think by now my mouth was wide open. I couldn't believe his response. I said, "what garrett?" He said, "a dragonfly." WOW! Just as the butterflies are to Tiffany and I, the dragonflies are to Candida. (my oldest sister, Chandler's Mommy) Again Garrett would've never known that and has never been discussed around him. Actually, Garrett is ALL boy and we don't even talk about butterflies or dragonflies. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. I literally had to stop driving for a minute. The look on my face puzzled him as to what he had said. What a blessing I thought. For Chandler to connect with Garrett driving right down hwy. 24. I'm still in amazement at our conversation. It was very surreal and I felt her so strongly with us. He was extremely clear of what he saw and that made it very powerful. I thank God of those little encounters. Just a reminder that she is with us so strongly each and every day. I pray that Garrett will play with her again soon. I love you Chandler and the pains of missing you are just as sharp as 3 years ago today. You are so extremely special and your large place in our hearts can and will NEVER be replaced. Please never stop being so vivid in our lives. Big kiss to you baby girl.All my heart, Nik Nik
My prayers are with you as you make your way through this incredibly difficult week.I know Chan will sprinkle all the Angel love she can find on her mommy,daddy and little brother!Please know you are in my prayers and thoughts.
My Baby Brother's Big Day! / Chandler's Mom Read >>
My Baby Brother's Big Day! / Chandler's Mom
Chase started his swimming lessons this morning. For the next 6 weeks he will be instructed 10min. a day! He did so great! He wasn't too sure of a new lady holding him in water...but he will get compfrtable with her as we go on. We love you so much and we know you held our hands as me,Daddy, and Chase started this new venture for him together. We miss you so much and we love you! Feel my hugs and kisses- Mom :)
What a great day / Tammie McDaniel (cousin)Read >>
What a great day / Tammie McDaniel (cousin) Just want to let you know that I could tell that you were with us all today at the ground breaking service for our NEW Church. It was the best day to have it on. I can tell that there is alot of People that love your Uncle Jon and stands by him. He is a wonderful gift from GOD and I am very happy to to have him in my life. I know that you are always with us all, even if it is just in our heart and spirit. That means so much to everyone, I can not wait to see you in heaven one day. Tell our grandparents hello and tell them that they are missed alot also. Chan keep you arms around the family and watch us all. God Bless You...Close
I LOVE YOU! I AM NOT GOING TO WRITE TOO MUCH TONITE, BECAUSE THIS WEEK HAS BEEN REALLY HARD ON ME AND YOU KNOW THAT! I MISS YOU MORE THAN EVER AND IT DOES NOT AND WILL NOT EVER GET EASIER! TOMORROW, EASTER, IS SUCH A SPECIAL DAY FOR US AND YOUR BEAUTIFUL SMILE AND LAUGHTER IN THAT SOFT PALE BLUE DRESS WILL BE IMPLANTED ON MY MIND EVERY EASTER SUNDAY! (THE LAST EASTER WE SHARED!) I LOVE YOU AND DADDY LOVES YOU, CHASE LOVES YOU, AND SO DOES THE NEW BABY BROTHER ON THE WAY! PUT YOUR ARMS AROUND US AS OUR FEET HIT THE FLOOR TOMORROW TO GET DRESSED FOR CHURCH LIKE EVERY SUNDAY, WITHOUT YOU! LET US FEEL YOUR PRESENCE ALL THROUGH THE DAY! GIVE US STRENGTH AS WE PASS EACH AND EVERY MINUTE WITHOUT YOU SHARING IN ALL THE FUN AND ACTIVITIES. I LOVE YOU AND I MISS YOU AND I SEND YOU THE BIGGEST HUG AND KISS YOU HAVE EVER FELT! :) HUGS AND KISSES- MOMMY
Missing You / Cassondra Maready (Cousin) CHAN, I know it has been a while since I wrote to you but it's not because I don't think of you everyday. Eric has several pictures of you in his room as well as one in the living room. I feel your presence all around me expecially when it seems my world is falling apart. Eric sings "You are my sunshine" to your picture. I pray for your mommy and daddy and your brothers everyday. I know you will always keep your arms around them and keep them safe. I LOVE and MISS you a lot even thou I didn't get to know you as well as I would like. I know tomorrow and this weekend will be hard for everyone with tomorrow being the big Easter egg hunt at the church and Sunday being Easter. Sunshine you will be missed very much. I wish with all of my heart that you were here with us as I know many many more people do. Well I better go for now I just wanted to say HAPPY EASTER CHAN, I LOVE AND MISS YOU ALWAYS. Cassondra Close
Hey squirt, it has been a while since I have written to you. But I think of you so often every day, I have pictures everywhere so I can see your beautiful face! I know where you are there is no pain or grief, and I am thankful for that. The pain and grief will never go away for me darling until that glorious day when Jesus calls me home and I get to see you again!!! Your baby brother is a clone of you. Mommy and I look at pictures of you and see his face looks exactly like yours, same smile, same teeth, same expressions, same nose, same eyes, only different hair. I am so thankful that God allows me to see you thru Chase everyday! You have another baby brother on the way and I know that you will ask Jesus for everything to be all right with him and mama. I pray that he is as beautiful as you two. I love you Chan and wish to God that you were here with us now!!! There is a hole in my heart that will never heal because you are not here. No one will ever understand the everyday pain we go thru not having you here with us. I love you forever darling, and until the day I join you, you will always be my baby, my squirt, my Chan, my Chan-Chan, my Chandler Rae, my firstborn, my barefooted blessing and the prettiest little girl in the whole wide world!!!!!!! I love you Chandler Rae, love daddy.
AS THE OTHER CHILDREN GROW UP WE MISS YOU MORE AND MORE.
WITH ALL THE CHANGES THAT HAVE COME ABOUT , YOU KNOW ITS A CHALLENGE EACH DAY ON EARTH. I KNOW YOUR SAYING OH BUT AUNT GAIL IT ISN T HERE , ITS AWESOME.
I WAIT FOR THE DAY TO SEE YOU AGAIN, I SEE LONG BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HAIR BLOWING IN THE WIND, I SEE LAUGHTER , LOVE AND SO MUCH MORE. NOW I NEED THIS FROM YOU, AND I KNOW YOU WILL DO IT FOR ME, WRAP YOUR ARMS AROUND THAT WONDERFUL LOVING CARING FAITHFUL MOMMY OF YOURS AND TELL HER HOW VERY MUCH YOU LOVE HER AND THAT IT IS ALRIGHT TO CRY AND MISS YOU, REMIND HER GOD HAD ANOTHER CALLING FOR YOU AND THAT YOU'LL ALWAY BE WITH HER.
REMIND HER YOU ARE THE FIRST CHILD LOVE HER OF LIFE AND WILL ALWAYS BE. REMIND HER THAT YOU SPEAK TO HER DAILY AND THAT SOMETIMES WE HAVE TO LISTEN REAL WELL TO GET IT ALL.
OH I KNOW I HEAR YOU IN MANY WAYS .
I LOVE YOU SWEETPEA , THERES NOTHING LIKE YOU.
WE HAVE BEEN BLESSED WITH SO MANY MANY BABIES EVERY WHERE. CHASE IS SO SPECIAL TO MOMMY AS WELL, HE KEEPS HER ON HER TOES.
HE MAKES HER LAUGHT, HE MAKES HER THINK OF HOW BLESSED SHE IS .
THANK YOU FOR LOVING US, FOR TALKING TO US, FOR KEEPING PEACE AMONG US .
REMIND US ALL DAILY TO PRICE OF "LIFE" ITS WAY TO SHORT TO BE UNHAPPY OR HOLD GRUDGES THAT ARE UNNECCESSARY.
OUR LORD SAYS WE MUST FORGIVE EVERY ONE , I THINK OF THAT DAILY WHEN SO MUCH OF THE WORLD CAN BE CURL IN WORDS AND ACTIONS.
KEEP ME NEXT TO MY NIECES , NEXT TO THE CHILDREN AND REMIND ME "TO BE THANKFUL FOR MY LORD AND FOR THE THINGS HE GIVES ME DAILY, I AM THANK FOR THE TRIALS HE LAYS DOWN IN FRONT OF ME.
LET ME BE THE EXTRA LIGHT AND WARM BLANKET THAT MOMMY NEEDS TO CALL ON, LET ME BE THERE FOR HER ALWAYS IN REMBRANCE OF YOU. LET ME NEVER ASK HER ANYTHING BUT ALWAYS RECEIVE HER LOVE .
KISSES AND HUGS TO MY LIGHT OF SUNSHINE EACH AND EVERY DAY.
MAY WE ALL HAVE LEARNED NEW LESSONS IN THE CHANGES IN OUR LIFES THIS PAST COUPLE OF YEARS.
MAY WE LEARN TO LOVE MORE, HAVE MORE FUN, SPEND TIME DOING SILLY THINGS, GIVE A STRANGER A SMILE, BUY THE CAR IN THE DRIVE THUR BEHIND YOU LUNCH, PICK THE PHONE UP FOR NO REASON AND TELL SOMEONE YOU LOVE THEM
WE ALL HAVE ROOM FOR IMPROVEMENT, YOU HAVE TAUGHT ME HOW TO BE A BETTER ME.
AND I AM BLESSED ........................................... :)
NEEDING YOU! / Chandler's Mommy
Chan- I know you are with us in spirit and you see everything all the time. But it isn't the same as having you here. Just want to share with you...Savannah's birthday was pretty tough..she got to ride in a Limo as be the true"Princess" that she is...but when I saw the limo,I lost it...my emotions went all over me and all I felt was that you should be here and you should have this experience and you should be enjoying this day with her. She misses you so much! This past week she cut her own hair and she said she wanted it to be like yours....then, she talked at home with TT and wanted to know why she couldn't see you and she got angry adn said she missed you so much and wanted to be with you. She is only 4 but she has feelings and emotions just like us adults! I know it is hard on her when she thinks of you! She loves you so much! You were her BIG SIS! I love you and miss you so much! Chase is so AWESOME and such a TREASURE to us! Today on the way to Ms. Rose's house he just kept looking up from his carseat like you used to do and looking at me smile at him in the rearview mirror...he just laughed and laughed! He makes me so happy just like you do! I can't believe we are about to have another blessing from God in just a few months...God loves us enough to send us another sweet angel just like you and Chase. I only dream that we can all be together! I know we will someday! We have that promise from Jesus! I just needed to talk to you tonite! Mommy is having a hard time and the emotions of pregnancy can be quite trying! I feel your love and that is all I need to get a good nights rest and feel your arms around me playing with my hair like you always did! I love you babygirl and I MISS YOU SO BADLY!!!!!!! GOOD NIGHT AND SWEET DREAMS! ---I LOVE YOU! XOXOXO ALL MY HUGS AND KISSES! love- Mom Close